Life Happens
One of the really interesting things about live radio is…that it’s live. So sometimes at the last minute, guests cancel or unexpected obstacles come up, but as with life, you’re expected to “go on”. That was Real Life with Jennifer Till this morning. So, in the radio station parking lot, David and I sat in the car talking about…what we would talk about…and decided on relationships. I simply wanted to punt and play some old shows and David, in his Executive Producer role, challenged me to step up to the plate.
We rushed over Shenandoah Joe’s to get some coffee, because the reality was dawning on me that I couldn’t duck out this morning, and I needed the caffeine prop. Ten minutes later, we were on air. We were blessed in that Jay James chose to join us this morning. But that’s also life. Sometimes unexpected positive things happen, and our role is to say “Yes!” when they do.
As we explored together some of the elements that go into making a relationship “good,” we were joined by some of our wonderful listeners. And, what was intriguing, maybe more to David than to me, was that listeners who love the show, sometimes have opinions and thoughts that differ greatly from mine. But what I remembered is that this is a dialogue–an opportunity to exchange with a community of women, a variety of perspectives and points of view.
But this blog is MY opportunity to expand and clarify and there are two threads that I want to explore. The first is this notion that we can make other people happy. Can we help create an environment, loving and nurturing, in which our partners or others, feel safe to connect to themselves, their joys and their struggles? We can. BUT, the notion that any of us can control or dictate anyone’s else emotion, be it happiness or misery, is delusional and destructive to ourselves and to the relationship, regardless of whether that’s our partner, neighbor, or mother… To understand that all human beings are fully and solely responsible for their own emotions is to also understand that every one of us has all of the capability we need. Voila! It’s that simple. And as well we all know, it can feel quite complicated.
The second thread is how I felt this morning. What I said to David was, “I feel scattered,” and David, being my mirror said, “You’ve now said that 3 times, and every time you said it has been in a dismissive fashion.” It was clear from one of our callers that what I was feeling about being “not together” was not what she was hearing. Interestingly, she congratulated us on how thoughtful the show was.
So my take away from Real Life today was that I don’t have to feel “together” to be OK, or great even. Like my childhood hero, Mr. Rogers said, “You’re perfect just the way you are.” Oh, by the way, have I mentioned that I wanted to marry him when I was 9?
