Real Life with Jennifer Till

A most remarkable woman has made a deep and lasting impression on me. Join me on Saturday morning as Farzaneh Milani and I talk about the struggles and triumphs of women in Iran today.

I’ll be talking with Joan Esposito Saturday morning. Joan is the remarkable woman who has taken the Women’s 4 Miler Training program from 150 to over 1,000 participants a year. She has inspired thousands of women over the last 13 years. Tune into WINA 1070 AM at 8:30 tomorrow morning to find out how…

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Small sparks exist inside all of us should we be brave enough to acknowledge them and patient enough to let them bloom. –Cherry Kwunyeun

One of the things I like best about Real Life with Jennifer Till is how often what I get from the show is so different from what I expect to get.

Before the interview with Cherry Kwunyeun I would have said that this show was about social entrepreneurship and it was, but it was much, much more – about encouraging each of us to find our unique spark and the courage to let it grow bright, illuminating not only our path but the paths of others as well.  It is always affirming to me to hear the echoes of my beliefs in the success stories of others.

It would be easy to discount that success by looking at Cherry’s advantages, her father a physician, her mother an educator, a loving family, connections with the Thai government  and so on. But to do so would be to discount her journey and her goals. She was the child of immigrants, driven by a desire to create and to marry that with her desire to do good for others. Putting her career on hold to care for a mother with cancer, seeking and finding wisdom in the guidance of others, being willing to rethink and reshape her goals while never losing sight of her sense of self and her vision for her life; all of these are the hallmarks of a most remarkable woman and I for one am better by having met her and hearing her story.

I hope you feel the same.

TIP OF THE WEEK: Give yourself permission to bloom! www.blumpari.com

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3806711

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: When I was 16 years old, I was amazed at how stupid and incompetent my father was. By the time I turned 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in just five short years. (paraphrased) –Mark Twain

If I’ve learned anything from my travels and travails is that difficulties in a relationship almost never lie at the feet of only one party in the relationship. Introspection and honesty forces me to admit that at least part of the struggles with my son are be traceable to me. I wonder if, in part, it stems from the velocity and direction of change.

A mother looks at her son and will always see him through the lens of his early childhood when all is promise and joy; when she daydreams about the man he will become. When there is discordance between longing and reality, there is friction both internal and external. I wonder then, if some of our difficulties lie in my own battle between what I want and what I should accept, taking responsibility only for what is truly mine.

For a child change is not only inevitable but desirable, as he struggles to disconnect himself from the past because he believes that connections are limiting and harmful to his growth and independence. There is no awareness  of the value or power  of those connections and maybe no fear of truly severing them if he feels the underlying love is pure and genuine.

Through all of the struggles I know I can take comfort in the fact that I am not alone; that this dance repeats itself from generation to generation.  Socrates is said to have noted of the children in Ancient Greece that: “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. They contradict their parents and tyrannize their teachers.”

TIP OF THE WEEK: DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY (emphasis added)!! Also, get educated. Info at www.cyfs.org or 434-296-4118, and www.ccfinfo.org.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3787596

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: When a father cares for his son, they both laugh. When a son must care for his father, they both weep. (paraphrased) –The Talmud

Caring for others can and often does make us feel good. Acts of love and compassion can and do enrich the soul. What is it then that causes us to drive ourselves to pain and distraction when caring for our parents? I am thinking it’s the same thing that causes such internal turmoil whenever we feel we must choose between people we love, or even between other people’s needs and our own.

I wonder how young we are when we first get the idea that being “good” means putting everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. At what age do we start down a path that teaches us to validate ourselves from external rather than internal feedback?

What I took away from this interview was that we face these kinds of “limited resource” situations every day. Work vs. Family, Family vs. Self, and so on and so on. The seriousness of illness and the complexity of distance just increase our awareness of our limitations as human beings and the pain that often accompanies such flashes of self-awareness.

What I learned that in such cases, and at such times, we do best when we realize what we can and can’t accomplish, prioritize what must be done versus what we might like to do and give ourselves a lot of permission to nurture ourselves in the most effective way we can and to rely on others to help.

TIP OF THE WEEK: As a caregiver, remember to take care of yourself. And when you don’t, don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself permission to get through the day whatever way you can.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3812750

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Be kinder to yourself than you think you ought to be. — Cheri Huber

The feedback on this interview has been really interesting. Some of my listeners, I am guessing those who have had experience in movement training (Tai Chi, martial arts, yoga, dance, etc.) seemed to connect more easily to much of what Susan McCulley was saying. Others had a more difficult time. In either case I think it is important to also hear what Susan was saying as metaphor in the living of our lives. Underpinning everything we talk about is the goal of moving ourselves towards a state of balance and alignment (or B&A as one of my friends calls it) as a way of increasing the joy in our lives.

When we spoke of making small incremental shifts to find physical positions of increased comfort or pleasure, I thought that this is what we can do wtih our lives, not just our bodies. If there is pain in a relationship, or at work, or with family, what can you do, what small incremental change can you begin to make that increases your pleasure? (And probably those around you as well.)

But, like listening to our bodies, we often lack the experience in how to listen. We are challenged with the white noise of life that blocks our ability to listen to and with our hearts, blocks our tiny quiet voice within. Those noises include the ones we make ourselves– justifications, rationalizations, excuses–all of which serve only to keep us from hearing and making those adjustments.

I know for me that I hear best in stillness and that I have to make the time and take the time to have moments of quiet everyday, without the interruptions and chaos of life, in order to truly hear what my heart and body are telling me.

TIP OF THE WEEK: Scan your body every morning before you get out of bed. Simply notice what is going on in your body. No judgment.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3748885

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Fall down seven times. Get up eight. –Chinese proverb

After my interview with Beth, I was reminded again of how people in the public eye have a need to maintain boundaries between their private and public lives. My significant other was, earlier in his life, a very high profile rock and roller and has told me stories of how complete strangers, and even more challenging, people he knew slightly, could be incredibly intrusive. But upon reflection, I began to realize that almost everyone I know, regardless of their status or occupation, has “public” and “private” lives; the “person” they will readily share with others and the “person” they keep to themselves. I know that, for our well being and our safety we need to identify and maintain boundaries, AND I wonder, what is behind what we share and what we don’t.

In the early days of my spiritual training, my teacher gave me an assignment–every day I had to tell a secret about myself. It was frightening. But little by little I came to understand that much of what I had been keeping “private”–those things that I didn’t like about myself, or my fears, or the remnants of negative messaging that I’d taken on as truth–once shared, stopped having the power over me they once had. I came to understand that the boundaries I had set that were founded in negative energy could be removed and I could still maintain my safety while engaging so much more fully with the world around me. 

I asked myself, “Who can you think of whose private and public lives seem to be the most integrated?” and I thought of Ghandi; a man who, without position or wealth or authority literally changed the world for hundreds of millions of people. I wonder if those two things are somehow connected…

TIP OF THE WEEK: After you identify what your vision or passion is, GO FOR IT!

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3799650