QUOTE OF THE WEEK: The focus on the creation of Peace begins within. — Caverly Morgan

I actually have spent 10 days at a silent zen monastery. Wake up at 7:00 a.m. Walk to the meditation hall. Oh, by the way, when I’ m walking, I must keep my gaze downcast in front of me, lest I catch someone else’s eye. Every moment of every day, including when I’m walking, is structured for me turn my attention inward—to, literally and figuratively, look only at me. I promise you, it got ugly! When the quiet is turned up, so is the mind chatter in my head. And some of those voices get vicious–what I say about myself–what I say about other people. But mostly, I was hearing how utterly relentless I am on myself. I’m not good enough, smart enough, and most the most pervasive and ultimately destructive story is that I’m not worthy—not worthy to be loved.

Now, I’m sitting in meditation, facing the wall. Eating breakfast in silence, again, facing the wall. I actually became aware of the food in my mouth and what it tasted like. I also became aware of the stories that I was making up about the other retreatants as they were eating while facing the wall. People with whom I’ve literally had no contact, eye or otherwise, and here I am inventing what they are thinking, mostly about me, where they came from and what they do, or their biases, opinions…you get the idea.

Onto our morning group meeting, doing awareness practices. Lunch at 1:00. Eat facing the wall again. Time alone to walk, journal, nap. Back to an afternoon group meeting. 5:00 p.m. sitting meditation, facing the wall. Dinner, again, you got it, facing the wall. (And I’m paying for this?!?) Then onto the evening dharma talk (which means I’m listening to someone else, the zen teacher in this case, talk). How many more days do I have to go? I still have the scrap of paper on which I was counting the days, like an exotic island castaway, deriving great satisfaction with each hatch mark moving me closer to my emanicipation…

WHAT STORIES DO YOU TELL ABOUT YOURSELF?

Practice: Be aware of 5 breaths today. Feel what it is to take an in breath…what it is to take an out breath. Feel the unique rhythm of your own breath. Simply feel what it’s like to be in the body, and not have to believe what the mind is doing.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://podcast.wina.com/wina/1835375.mp3

One House of Peace Website: onehouseofpeace.org