Real Life with Jennifer Till

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Some pursue happiness. Others create it. — Unknown

After we finish, my Executive Producer and I talk about the show we just did, what we liked, what I wish I had included, and then the ubiquitous random conversation… After this show, David commented that it’s all well and good to be invited in, but what do you do about the crystal ball concept?

Crystal ball concept? Maybe this sounds familiar: If you loved me you would know. Yes, you would know what I’m thinking, what I want, what I need, and precisely how I want you to perform in order to make me happy.  Yikes! There is a whole level of dynamic that happens between couples, between people, based on projection and subsequent unspoken expectation. I suspect that this is probably the major source of human suffering!

Downsides to the crystal ball dynamic are probably too numerous to name, but I’ll give it a go. If you are the holder of the crystal ball, it keeps you in the victim role, keeps you small, undeveloped, at the mercy of the other person’s ability and desire to keep your best interest paramount and perform up to your standard (good luck). If targeted as the crystal ball gazer, you are set up to fail, because after all, who else but Karnak the Magnificent is going to win this game?

How do you use the crystal ball for a good game of ninepins rather than a proving ground? Through the courage to know yourself, and I mean really know yourself–the good, the “bad” and the ugly–and indeed this DOES take courage. Sometimes the courage comes into play when I’m looking at parts of myself that I’m ashamed of, I’ve deemed too needy, and certainly don’t want others to know about. Sometimes courage comes into play when it’s time to own the magnificent parts of myself–is it OK to actually be spectacular? After all, aren’t we supposed to be humble and unassuming?

Courage, coupled with the light of self awareness and the willingness to communicate what you uncover about your magnificent self, move you closer to your own happiness, to creating a life of joy! And please remember, that just because you communicate a particular want or need (and just how many needs do we REALLY have) does not inherently imply a positive response on the receiver’s end. Come on ladies. This is where we get to pull our big girl panties up!

PRACTICE:  In rank order, write down the top 5 priorities in your life.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://tinyurl.com/mn4h29

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled, for it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.  –Scott Peck

Joan Esposito is a remarkable woman–both for whom she is and what she had done with the Women’s Four Miler Training Program. If you have had the pleasure of meeting her or listening to her this is a self-evident truth.

After this interview, however, what kept resonating in my mind was her nickname – Big Pink. Sure it’s a great nickname (capturing a huge heart and dedication to women’s breast cancer) particularly in that Joan is of diminutive stature.

But what I thought about was the act of naming itself. Each of comes into this world with a name given to us by others, sometimes well meaning, sometimes misguided, but always of someone else’s choosing - a name given to connect us to relatives or to someone else’s dream for our future (or their unrealized past) or their idea of beauty or greatness.

So, I wondered, if on our journey of self-discovery and self-definition, each of us might not benefit from a new name? One we give to ourselves or we ask others to give us. One that defines not just who we were, or even who we are, but who we, or what, we aspire to be. 

If so, what name would you choose for yourself?

TIP OF THE WEEK: Take your first step with a partner, a friend, a coach.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3839421

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Small sparks exist inside all of us should we be brave enough to acknowledge them and patient enough to let them bloom. –Cherry Kwunyeun

One of the things I like best about Real Life with Jennifer Till is how often what I get from the show is so different from what I expect to get.

Before the interview with Cherry Kwunyeun I would have said that this show was about social entrepreneurship and it was, but it was much, much more - about encouraging each of us to find our unique spark and the courage to let it grow bright, illuminating not only our path but the paths of others as well.  It is always affirming to me to hear the echoes of my beliefs in the success stories of others.

It would be easy to discount that success by looking at Cherry’s advantages, her father a physician, her mother an educator, a loving family, connections with the Thai government  and so on. But to do so would be to discount her journey and her goals. She was the child of immigrants, driven by a desire to create and to marry that with her desire to do good for others. Putting her career on hold to care for a mother with cancer, seeking and finding wisdom in the guidance of others, being willing to rethink and reshape her goals while never losing sight of her sense of self and her vision for her life; all of these are the hallmarks of a most remarkable woman and I for one am better by having met her and hearing her story.

I hope you feel the same.

TIP OF THE WEEK: Give yourself permission to bloom! www.blumpari.com

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3806711

Listen to the broadcast of the first Real Life with Jennifer Till on 1070 WINA.

Real Life with Jennifer Till April 25 2009

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST: http://www.wina.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3671937

I have confession to make. This radio show is actually a bit of an experiment. The premise of the show flies in the face of what, culturally, we are encouraged to do. The smiling magazine covers showing us how to have a perfect relationship, perfect body, perfect life-to appear as though we are moving through life, smoothly. But as you know, the reality is quite different.

People have asked me why I want to have a radio show. It’s an easy answer. I’ve gotten feedback from people that I appear to be professional, successful, kind of together.  What motivated me to do the show, however, is the Jennifer Till that people don’t see. I am a 46 year-old business owner, divorced twice, (I like to say that would make 2 was-bands), single mother for 16 years, sole financial support for my now 16 year-old son, daughter of 80 year-old parents who live in Pennsylvania, sister to two siblings who live across the country, newly in a love relationship, and I’m a friend. I have high cholesterol. I bought my first house 8 years ago. I’ve faced financial struggles, relationship challenges, long-distance caregiving. I’m surviving the teen years. I’m learning how to be in a love relationship in a more adult, and hopefully, healthy way. I fight to keep my workouts on the calendar 4 times a week.

Although we each come at life from our own unique history, conditioning, beliefs, talents, interests, and perspective. While we are each unique, we share several commonalities. We share the same human struggles and we have the same human desires. So, like you I struggle with balance and alignment, wanting everything to “be” perfect, feelings of isolation, setting healthy boundaries, wanting people to like me, maintaining effective relationships, time management, health and fitness, personal finances, focus. I can see how I’ve let myself be the victim in life and how I’ve abandoned myself.  And, maybe like you, I want to be heard, to be valued, to be loved. In fact, I want to feel special, and paradoxically, I want to feel like I’m part of something greater. I want to be happy. I want joy!!!

And I’ll bet that my story is not much different than yours, really. The content is different of course, but I promise you, I have struggled with similar issues and I want the same love, the same acceptance, the same happiness that you do.

My hope is that, over time I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me, and that together we create a shared community where you can talk about your challenges, your concerns and your successes, and that this will become the place for you to come to hear how other women face their challenges, reframe their failures and celebrate their success.

I’m envisioning  that the show will have one of three formats:

1. 2-3 guests will talk about how they approach this week’s topic;
2. I’ll interview an expert in the area of thisweek’s topic;
3. Real Life -I’ll share emails or blogs from listeners.

Each week I’ll share a quote of the week, and a tip of the week. I’ll ask guests to tell you about their favorite website.

If you’re not able to make it on Saturday mornings at 8:30AM, you can download the show’s podcast. You can reach me either through e-mail at jennifer dot l dot till at gmail dot com or by commenting on this blog.

Saturday mornings at 8:30. Join me for coffee and conversation. Do it for you. If you’re ready to REALLY love your life!

Sasha Farmer and Rebecca Hettig will be talking with me at 8:30 this Saturday morning about their challenges with finding balance, when they lose balance, how being out of balance affects them, and what they do to return to their balance. Tune in, WINA 1070, Saturday morning to hear all about it…